22.11.2008
châteaux en Espagne
It's just going to get worse. Sometimes I feel like my suicide's a fait accompli, despite that it hasn't happened yet. What a disappointment I'll be to my family.
This is probably one of the most insecure things a person could say, but I don't think I have any friends anymore. I have acquaintances. That's about it. I have roommates who are caught up enough in their own lives that it would take them a while to notice if I weren't here. It used to be that I was friends with Christina. I've seen her a total of maybe three times this semester. It used to be that I was friends with Sara, but I probably talk to her less now that she's in Sackville than I did when she was in Toronto, especially now that she has a girlfriend. That part's understandable. The people I lived with last year have all graduated and I haven't talked to any of them since. The only exception is Lauren, who I talked to briefly when I went to see her at her job in Halifax when I was there. Christine seems to forget people exist when they're not in her presence. Norah's been gone for two years. I can't really get in touch with Kater. I can't talk to Emmet anymore because she, as queer-straight alliance activist chair, refuses to listen to my concerns about the inappropriateness of showing a happy drag queen movie as a Day of Remembrance event. I only have acquaintances, not friends. It's going to be even more lonely if I move across the country.
at 19:50
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